Tag: gift

Motherhood

A Gift and a Challenge

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And again, “I will put my trust in him.” And again, “Behold, I and the children God has given me.” (Hebrews 2:13)

As I ponder what my mama heart is thankful for today, I am thankful for the children He chose to give me. Think about it for a moment…God picked YOU specifically for the children you have. He knew YOU would be the one He could entrust to guide them, teach them, and love them. He knew YOU would lead them towards His light and His love.

Most of you reading this today are probably grateful for the children you gave birth to. You can probably still remember the moment each of them was born. I can remember those special details from the births of all four of my children. But I also very specifically can recall the moment I first laid eyes on the three that God brought me through adoption. The three children that God gave me as an extra special gift. He chose ME to be their mother. What a blessing that is!

I do not pretend to be close to knowing all there is to know about raising children. I do not try to trick anyone into believing that I have it “all going on” in the mothering department. But what I DO know is that I trust my God. I believe in Him. I want to be obedient to Him. I am very grateful for the gifts I have been given. I have been given so much. I have had the opportunity to learn many life lessons. I think one of the most important things I have learned is that family is not always defined by shared bloodlines. In our home, it is more defined by a deep sense of love and respect, tons of laughter, many tears, and a fierce sense of protection. Family is those who will hold you when you are scared, cry with you when your heart is broken, and laugh at the jokes that aren’t funny. Family is unending patience and much forgiveness. It is praying together and staying together. In this house, family is a blended bunch of craziness that comes together to create something awesome…something only God could assemble together and make it work.

Yes, I was chosen to be mama to this rowdy brood. It is my greatest gift and often my biggest challenge. My family may not, and probably doesn’t, look like yours. But that’s okay. God chose YOU to be mama to the special ones He knew would make your life complete. Take a moment…ponder the gift of motherhood…let gratitude and thankfulness sink into your soul. Then close your eyes and whisper a soft thank you to your Father in heaven, who knows you so well, and knows just who you need to make up your family.

Motherhood

When Are You Having Kids?

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By:  Alison Rodriguez

That question. Oh, THAT question.

It used to make my blood boil when someone asked me that question.

So many times, my mind screamed:

None of your business!
I’m trying!
I wish I knew!

Instead, the polite person in me – well, really, the person who did not want to face the fact that something was wrong – would often reply:

Oh, I’d like to finish my master’s degree first.
Maybe in a couple more years.

Except one time. Someone at work caught me on a bad day. A lady from another department whom I don’t know very well asked the forbidden question. No made up excuse this time. She got Ally’s famous evil eyes, and, “I actually can’t have kids.” In that moment, I found great joy in the shocked look on her face and her fumbled attempt at a response. All I could think was that’s what you get for asking a personal question to someone with whom you don’t have a personal relationship.

For so long, I used school as an excuse. And then when I finished, I used my husband going to school as an excuse. Excuses are lies you tell others hoping you’ll begin to believe them yourself. Truth be told, I dreamt of holding my baby boy or girl on graduation day wearing my master’s cap, gown, and hood. Now, I dream of having our little one sit on my lap at my husband’s graduation as he receives his master’s hood.

I know that most people have only good intentions when asking this question, but it carries so many assumptions and connotations.

When are you having kids?

…assumes someone wants kids.
…assumes someone can physically have kids.
…assumes that conceiving is the only way to grow a family.

To those trying to conceive, this question strikes a painful chord deep within their soul. It is a reminder that they are not pregnant. It is a reminder that something is wrong with them. It is a reminder that this little person who has mommy’s eyes and daddy’s smile still isn’t here yet and may never be.

This blood-boiling question and my long-time response to it made me realize one very important thing. The condition of your heart determines the character of your response. My heart was bitter so my response was bitter. I created bogus excuses to comfort myself and so easily told them to others.

 

 

Now, when asked this question, I’m truthful. I no longer feel shame in sharing our journey, because I know God has me in this season for a reason. Instead of being a source of heartache, this question has become an opportunity to share what the Lord has done in our lives and hearts. No more bogus excuses. I now share that I have a little angel baby watching over me. I now say that we are halfway through the process of adopting a little one from the foster care system.

When are you having kids?

Does it still strike a painful chord? Yes.
Do I still want to yell, “none of your business!” Sometimes.

But I’m so thankful that those moments are now few and far between. I’m thankful that God did not leave my side for one moment while I worked on changing my heart.

One thing I ask of you: Can we change this question? Can we be mindful of who we ask it to? You never know who is struggling with infertility, and what this question represents in their life. 

Let’s change this from “having kids” to “growing families”. So many families are grown through fostering, adoption, and surrogacy. And some families remain as duos with pets. Let’s refrain from asking this question to people with whom we don’t share a personal relationship. Asking coworkers and acquaintances might not go over so well.

And one last request. Take a moment to evaluate the condition of your heart. Most times, the first thing that needs to change in your circumstance is your heart’s response to it.

With love,
Ally Rod

Motherhood

Fulfilling His Plan

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By: Betty Predmore

Last night our two youngest, both adopted, thanked us for adopting them. Sweet little Lizbeth says, “Thanks for saving us.” Jovanney adds, “Thanks for giving us a home.”

There were moments yesterday, when their rooms looked like an F5 had landed there, that my frustration with them was high. There are moments on many days that I feel inadequate for this job. But then there are moments like last night, when two sweet little souls speak their heart to you in a way that touches you all the way to the tips of your toes. And then you realize…I am adequate for this job. God chose me just for these specific children. God doesn’t make mistakes. He knows far better than I do what these kids need…what I need.

This is the case for all of us mamas, biological, step, adoptive. There are times we doubt our abilities. There are moments when our frustration gets the better of us. There are instances of fear. It is in these moments that we seek our Father for direction. It is at these times that we trust in the One whose plans are far greater than ours.

Thank you Lord for bringing these children to me. Thank you for trusting me with their hearts and their lives. May I, each day, live up to the challenge and blessed opportunity you have given me. Help me, Father, each day to fulfill Your plan.

I can do all things brought Christ Jesus, who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Motherhood

Loving the Mess Maker

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By:  Betty Predmore

My frustration is at its limit and I am nearing the end of my patience! Why, oh why, can’t this girl do what I ask her to do?

I have spent my entire weekend trying to get my youngest to clean her room. She has spent hours in there without fully accomplishing the task. Once I went in and found her playing jacks in the floor. Another time, she snuck into her brothers’ room to play. When we went to bed on Saturday night, it was getting close to clean, but by Sunday afternoon, it was a mess again. Now, as I go in to wake her up for school, clothes are everywhere and things I just washed are lying in the floor. Not a good way to start our Monday morning.

As I vent my frustrations to my husband, he gently reminds me of the problems this sweet girl carries through her life. She is a victim of a pretty serious case of attention deficit due to her birth mother’s bad habits. She comes from a background of abandonment. So while it is easy for me to look only at her flaws on this difficult Monday morning, I must have compassion and remember why she is the way she is, and all the reasons why I love her.

Isn’t that what God does for us? He looks past those issues and personality traits that make us difficult, and He concentrates on why He loves us. He forgives us of so much more than clothes on the floor or messy rooms. He has compassion for our “baggage” and is the light in our dark journey. It is because He loves me so very well that I can love this little master of messes so much. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19)

So today I make a choice….hold a grudge and have an attitude against a little girl who is dealing with so much, or love her the way Jesus loves me…unconditionally, despite my flaws, with forgiveness, with compassion. Yes, I can do that! Yes, God gives me the ability to look past the mess to the masterpiece He created when He formed this precious child. What a gift He has given this family! What a precious treasure!

Help me today, Lord, to consider this gift. Help me to love as You do and to have the heart of compassion for others that You do for me. Give me a smile, Lord, when I feel like crying. Through You, I can conquer my frustrations. Through You, I can have compassion and understanding. Through You, I can love this little mess maker. Amen.

Motherhood

My Good and Perfect Gift

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By:  Betty Predmore

I was called into the principal’s office again the other morning. There was a field trip coming up, and my son’s teacher was worried that his behavior would somehow cause a problem. So here I was again, sitting there trying to keep my emotions under control, as I tried to make her understand that this little boy was not a mean boy, he was not out to cause problems, he was just a little boy who is the victim of his birth mother’s choices.

Fetal alcohol syndrome is no joke. It causes a lot of problems for the children who have to endure this physical disability that comes from exposure to alcohol in the womb. This little boy who has such a loving heart and such a generous nature sometimes struggles with how to handle his negative emotions.It takes him a little longer to process his thoughts and to consider the proper reaction to things. So sometimes his reactions are not appropriate. Sometimes his reactions are negative. Sometimes this happens at school. Does this make him a bad boy? Absolutely not!

I find myself repeatedly sitting in the principal’s office, repeatedly tried to explain that all he needs is a time out. All he needs are some extra minutes to gather his emotions and thoughts before he reacts. All he needs is some compassion and understanding. Am I asking for special treatment for my son? Absolutely! He is a special child with special needs, so I expect special treatment and consideration of those needs.

This child has taught me a lot. He has taught me about patience and understanding. He has taught me about compassion and revelation. He has taught me about love through the tough times. And he has taught me the importance of going to battle for our children and making sure their needs are met. I will continue to be his champion. I will continue to go to bat for him. I will continue to be his voice. God blessed me with this child, this unexpected gift that is so unique and wonderful. He is a treasure. He is sometimes disobedience, sometimes uncontrollable, sometimes frustrating, but he is always my child.

In this, as in everything else, God is teaching me and growing me. He is using this little boy who walked into my home as a two-year-old to remind me of the importance of compassion and understanding, and the need to appreciate the differences in people. He is reminding me that no struggle is too big when He is in the picture. He is assuring me that He is walking alongside this beautiful boy and paving his way. He is continually reminding me that I have been specially chosen to be this little guy’s mama, and he is my good and perfect gift!

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow do to change. (James 1:17)

Motherhood

Our Beautiful Gift

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By: Betty Predmore

My mind knows it but my heart cannot conceive it. My baby girl….the beautiful little angel that came to our home to be our daughter when she was 14 months old….is eight today. How did that happen? I turned around for just a second and time passed me by. She is becoming so self-sufficient….braiding her own hair, picking her own (very stylish) outfits, and pretty much managing every one in the house. She is a fiery little ball of energy, into everything and always full of excitement. The Lord really wanted to teach me something new when He gave me this precious girl and I have learned so much. I have learned about patience, about learning issues, and about attention deficiencies. I have also learned a great deal about devotion, courage, and indisputable love.

Psalm 22:30 says, “Our children will also serve him. Future generations will hear about the wonders of the Lord.” This little girl loves Jesus. She says He lives in her heart. My prayer is twofold….a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessed gift of this sweet girl who makes our family complete, and a prayer of hope that she continues to love her Jesus and grows to serve Him with her heart and her life.

Thank you Lord for blessing us with this little “hot mess” who keeps us on our toes, challenges us daily, and gives us more love than we deserve. We are truly blessed.

Motherhood

Getting Her “Normal” Back

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By:  Betty Predmore

I sit here in this cold hospital room after a somewhat sleepless night, grateful that yesterday is behind me. My oldest daughter had surgery yesterday, the second in a series that will hopefully return her life back to “normal”. I am so weary of watching her suffer through the effects of Grave’s Disease….the changes in blood pressure and pulse rate, the rapid weight loss, the hair loss, the tremors, the eyes bulging from their sockets with a pressure so great it created a cornea problem and has minimized her eyesight significantly. I am tired of being a spectator on the sidelines in her game of life, not being able to help her move forward with all she envisioned for her future.

Five months ago, I sat in this same hospital with her as they removed her thyroid. This elimated most of those problems, but the eyesight remained an huge issue. I have sat by the last few months, watching as her sight has diminished to almost nothing. I have watched as she struggled to continue working, lost her ability to drive, and became reliant upon others for transportation. I have also been aware of how this has impacted her emotionally. So yesterday she had surgery. This procedure was meant to restore her bulging eyes back into the sockets correctly. She is bruised and swollen, and quite frightful looking at the moment, but the surgeon assures me all went well. So I sit here as she suffers through this pain, struggling to even open her eyes with such swollen and bruised eyelids. I know that the next several days are going to be beastly. But through it all, she is kind and polite to her caretakers, despite her pain.

This sets us up for the BIG ONE. The surgery (cornea transplant) that we hope will correct her vision. We are hopeful that this will take place in the next few months, after she heals from this surgery. This one will give her her “normal” back. This one will allow my little journalist to go off to the big world and fulfill her dreams. This is the one all our hopes are hanging on.

As I sit here, I am thanking my God for protecting her, for bringing her this far, and for being on this journey with me…every step of the way. I am thankful in my mama heart for the assuredness I have that He goes before us, preparing each of my daughter’s sweet steps before they are taken. I am so filled with gratitude that even though I know she is struggling, she is here. I feel like this is so hard, but I know it is nothing compared to the mamas in this world who have lost a child, who would give anything to be in my place right now. This morning I give thanks! “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Today I remember and reflect in James 1:17… “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,”. My sweet girl is my good gift from above. Thank you, Father, that you give so generously!