Motherhood

A Handful of Quietness

By:  Betty Predmoreimage.png

I read somewhere today…”taking care of yourself is the first step in taking care of your children.” Boy, does that make sense! How often do we neglect our own needs for the sake of our families? I don’t know about you, but I am always quick to put my own well-being on the back burner for the sake of my kiddos. That’s what a good mom does, right?

We all….yes, even us mamas, need to find time to rest, renew , and refresh our bodies and our souls. Ecclesiastes 4:6 tells us, Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind. That tells me that even a little bit of rest is good. All the toil that goes into our days, all the striving to be a good mama, can zap us, but just a hand full of sitting in His presence can renew our souls.

I don’t know about you, but when I get tired and weary, I get discouraged. The devil wants nothing more than to rob me of the joys of motherhood through discouragement and doubt. Psalm37:4 reminds me, Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. When I take time to rest in Him, to take joy in His presence, He fulfills the desires of my heart. And Mamas, isn’t our greatest desire to be a good mother, a good example of Christ, to our children?

Some days are too long. Other days are too short. Whatever day you are in today, I pray that you take a moment for yourself. Grab that hand full of quietness that you need and deserve. Let the Lord restore your soul and refresh your mind. Allow Him to work in you so that you can be the mama that your heart desires to be. He is here to walk this walk with us so we never have to feel alone, to guide us when we are lost and strengthen us when we feel weak. Oh, what a wonderful Savior we have! And because of Him and his love for us, what wonderful mothers we can be!

Motherhood

Memory Walk

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By:  Betty Predmore

I experienced something new today….something that touched my heart is a special way. I participated in a memory walk for babies who died in pregnancy or infancy. I was there with my niece and nephew, who lost their baby in May at an early stage in their pregnancy. Oh, how happy we were when we heard the pregnancy news! I literally jumped up and down and screamed, then held my niece tight as we cried together. I knew how long and hard she had tried and waited for this baby.

But the birth of this baby was not to be. God had other plans. The sorrow has been tremendous, but we are all comforted in knowing that little angel is in heaven, with some other special members of our family we have lost this year.

So today was in memory of that precious little one that we didn’t get to meet, that tiny hand we didn’t get to hold, that soft face we didn’t get to kiss. I was amazed at the amount of people in attendance today. I was shocked at how many were there walking not just for one baby….but two, three, four, even five. To see those babies names on the wall of memory and to hear each one called out loud was a sobering experience that brought me to tears. As I looked around, I saw many of those families with new little ones or toddlers, and I am sure these new children have brought hope back into their hearts. But what about the ones who have yet to have a child? Are they feeling hopeless in these moments?

I am so grateful that my niece and nephew, and all our family, can put our hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. I am so glad we can find strength for tomorrow and the promises each new day brings, knowing God has something awesome planned for our family. Thank you, Jesus, that you hold us in the palm of your hand.

So as this day winds down, I pray for my beautiful niece and nephew. I pray the Lord continues to give them strength, hope, faith, and perseverance. I pray they continue to remember this precious life gone too soon, yet are able to enjoy the glorious days of parenthood with other special children meant just for them. I pray that as the days, months, and years pass, that we never forget this special little one who brought our family so much joy, even if it was for such a short time.

 

Motherhood

When “Motherhood is a Woman’s Highest Calling” Backfires

By:  Rebekah Hargravesrebekah hargraves

When I was a little girl, all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a mommy (well, and a “cooker”, as I apparently said one time!). I always dreamed of having little ones of my own, wanted to be a stay-at-home mom just as my own mom was, babysat all throughout my teen years, and even was a nanny up until the day before I went into labor with my first baby. I guess you could say I’ve always been passionate about motherhood. Now as a mama to my own two little ones ages 2 1/2 and 10 months and the author of a book on motherhood, I am still passionate about this calling of mom, but in a slightly different way.

What may come as a surprise to some is that I began Lies Moms Believe (And How the Gospel Refutes Them) with a chapter entitled “Lie #1: Motherhood is a Woman’s Highest Calling”. Considering my background, that doesn’t quite sound like something I would write, does it? Though I am just as passionate as I have ever been about  the beauty and importance of motherhood and the truth that it is a high and holy calling, I nevertheless no longer hold to the idea that motherhood is a woman’s *highest* calling. In fact, I believe there are actually some adverse ramifications which stem from this idea.

The passion of my heart is to draw women back to the Word of God, to help them see just how very relevant and applicable it truly is to each and every struggle, question, or lie they could ever face in life. We need to be looking solely to the Word of God for the basis of our every belief, the forming of every aspect of our worldview, and the truth we need for our daily lives. This is certainly true in the case of the idea that “motherhood is a woman’s highest calling”. What began with very good intentions (i.e. an effort to counter the culture’s lies that about mothering not being a worthwhile endeavor and motherhood being unimportant and not something to be pursued) has inadvertently produced some unfortunate results in the process.

At this point you may be wondering, “What’s the big deal?” In a culture which disdains children and motherhood, what’s so wrong with proclaiming motherhood to be a woman’s highest calling? Well besides that being a painful and unfair sentiment for a single or barren woman to hear, that idea also leads to problems for women who are mothers.

 

How “Motherhood is a Woman’s Highest Calling” Actually Harms Moms

At face value, there may appear to be nothing wrong with the concept of motherhood as being a woman’s highest calling. There are, however, several issues with this idea:

  • When we believe motherhood to be a woman’s highest calling, we begin to think mothering should crowd out everything else (and allow it to do so!).

We all know firsthand just how pervasive mommy guilt can be – we experience it whenever we attempt to have some “me-time”, we feel it anytime we pursue our own hobbies or interests, we get weighed down by it when we drop the kiddos off at their grandparents’ house so we can go out with our husbands. This is because we have bought into the mistaken idea that all our time and attention should always be focused on our children. Now, don’t get me wrong – if you are a mother, I firmly believe that apart from the Lord and your relationship with your husband which should come first, your children are to be your #1 priority. You should be putting intentional time and attention into mothering them well. It is wrong, however, to believe that you have only been given time for those things which strictly pertain to motherhood. This is what we begin to believe, however, when we believe motherhood to be a woman’s ultimate highest calling – our relationship with the Lord gets put on the back burner, our kids replace our husbands in our order of priorities, and everything suffers as a result.

 

  • When we believe motherhood is a woman’s highest calling, our identity gets wrapped up in motherhood.

When moms believe motherhood is to take up all their time and attention, they end up forgetting who they are and who God created them to be. We hear so many times moms say something to the effect of, “I can’t remember that girl I was in high school.” or “I feel like the woman I was before I had kids is gone.” or “I can’t even remember the interests or passions I had before the kids came.” This is what happens when we allow our identity to be wrapped up solely in who we are as moms. This does nothing but lead to our burning the candle at both ends and becoming chronically stressed out and depleted.

When we instead remember that our identity is to be found in the reality of our being image bearers of God and redeemed saints through Christ, everything changes. We begin to remember again the woman God originally created us to be, the woman with unique and specific passions, gifts, talents, and interests. The woman who has God-given permission to pursue those things, even in the midst of motherhood (see Proverbs 31:10-31 and 1 Corinthians 12). When we are careful to, yes, prioritize our children and to delight in the sacred calling of motherhood, but to also live life as the multi-faceted, whole woman we were designed to be, we flourish – and so do our families!

 

  • When we believe motherhood is a woman’s highest calling, motherhood actually loses its very importance and purpose.

 

The ironic thing is that, in a valiant effort to restore to motherhood its importance and worth, we have actually deprived it of both. We want the culture to understand that it is a beautiful thing (and a worthwhile endeavor!) to be a mother, but when we separate motherhood from its God-given role, instead placing it on a higher plane than God does, it becomes stripped of its high purpose. Here is what I mean: As I touched on above, our identity as Christian women is to be found in our being image-bearers of God and ambassadors of Christ. In reality, this is not only our identity, but our true highest calling, as well. A woman’s highest calling is to bear the image of God to the world and to represent Christ well. Motherhood, then, becomes an outworking of this, one important and impactful way in which a woman is able to spread God’s truth to future generations. Our Savior came to earth through the avenue of motherhood and childbearing (Genesis 3:15, 1 Timothy 2:15), and the spread of His truth today continues throughout the generations as women have children and more image-bearers are born.

Therefore, it is when we understand motherhood in its proper context, as one beautiful way in which the truth of God is able to be spread and our ambassadorship for Christ is able to be lived out, that motherhood then receives great importance and purpose. When we instead make the mistake of taking motherhood off by itself, raising it above the level of importance God gave it, and having it stand alone as the highest calling for women, then what is it all for? What then is the purpose of motherhood? Why is it believed to be the “highest” calling? There is no answer for this. It is only when we understand motherhood in light of the Gospel that the work of mothering becomes a vastly important work.

 

Look to Christ, Mama!

So, sweet mama, as you go about the daily work of mothering, working day in and day out to care for the needs of your children, to raise them up in the way that they should go, and to impart God’s truth to them, remember – what you are doing is important. It is beautiful. It is impacting countless future generations. It is not, however, your ultimate highest calling. The whole of your identity is not to be wrapped up in it. If you think it is, there will come a day in which your children are all grown and gone, and you will be left wondering what your purpose is in life. If you allow the sum total of your identity to be wrapped up in motherhood, you will feel like a failure when your children make mistakes, thinking yourself wholly responsible for how they turn out. If you place your identity in motherhood as your highest calling, it will lose some of its importance.

Instead, look to Christ. Daily look to Christ and find your mission, your identity, your calling, and your purpose in Him. When you do, your motherhood will be drastically changed for the better, and you will truly be working towards the advancement of the Lord’s Kingdom.

God bless you, mamas!

Bio: Rebekah Hargraves is a wife, mama of two littles, home business owner, podcaster, and blogger residing in TN. Her passion is to bless fellow Christian women through her writings on her website, Hargraves Home and Hearth, which exists to “edify, equip, and encourage women in their journey of Biblical womanhood”. Rebekah’s first book, “Lies Moms Believe (And How the Gospel Refutes Them)”, releases in November.

Facebook: Hargraves Home and Hearth

Instagram: @rebekahhargraves

Twitter: @hhomeandhearth

Website: Hargraves Home and Hearth 

Motherhood

One Lucky Mama

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By: Betty Predmore
It’s been a crazy week. Busy schedules, meetings, out of town trips….all lead up to consumption of my time and fewer moments spent talking with my kiddos. While I love the place God has me in ministry, and the opportunities He is giving my husband and I in our careers, I sometimes long for the simpler days, when I worked from home and our schedules were not so overwhelming. Life tells us to go, go, go….but sometimes we just need to STOP!

The Lord allowed me some precious time talking with my teenage son tonight. We talked of normal things….school, friends, curfew. He told me about a friend at school that lost a family member to cancer today. He told me how upset this young boy was. We talked about how hard it is to lose someone. We also talked about how much he misses his Grandaddy….has it really been almost two months since he passed? We agreed that we both hate cancer. I know we are not supposed to hate, but that disease is terrible, and it causes so much pain for the people who suffer from it and the people who suffer alongside them.

I look at this boy and I marvel at the fact that God chose me to be his second mama. Ever since the day he walked to our house, just six years and one day old, he has been a blessing. I often ask God just what I did that allowed me to deserve such an honor. He whispers back to me…”You were willing.” Thank you Lord that you know my heart so well, and that you knew I was willing to open it up to this beautiful boy, his brother, and his sister. Thank you for trusting me with their little hearts, and for allowing me the opportunity to lead their souls to you.

And in the busyness of life as I know it, thank you for some sweet moments to remind me of just how special this boy is and what a lucky mama I am!

 

 

Motherhood

Our Security Blanket

 

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By:  Nicole Espino

So, the past eight months since my daughter was born have been full of joy, love, and all things pink! 💗🎀 I really have been cherishing every milestone and every precious moment with her! One of my favorite things is that she is totally a mama’s girl. Having two sons before her made me realize and accept that boys, after a certain age, connect better with their daddies. This is how it should be. So realizing that my baby girl favors her mama is almost the best thing ever! 😍

The funny thing I’ve noticed though, is that when I see her eyeing me and making it obvious she wants me to pick her up, when I do pick her up, she is more focused on everything else around me. What I realized is that there is this security that settles over her when she is in my arms. All is right in her world and she is free to be her curious, adventurous self. It used to confuse me but now I realize that my love is a security blanket for her. The Lord revealed to me that this is so true with us as humans. When we are in an environment where we are secure and loved, we tend to flourish and have the freedom to be ourselves. That’s what love does, it makes us feel secure and accepted.
As a parent, this made me realize that we must always give our children that same security. That no matter their personality, or their struggle, they are loved! I believe they will be less likely to run away from that circle of security.
I know I have struggled with always communicating to my boys that I love them especially when we are dealing with their struggles or misbehaviors. But in those times I do remind them of the steadfastness of my love, their little hearts break and soften with in the secure blanket of love, and as a result, their heart issues are more moldable!
Let’s not forget to remind our kids and wrap our kids in our love! And not just our kids but when we are open to love those around us, we create a very healthy environment for growth. Which is exactly the environment our Heavenly Father provides for each of us! We grow and flourish the most when we are abiding in His love! I truly believe that is how we become secure, teachable, and stable for the rest of our lives!

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Motherhood

Walking Away

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By:  Betty Predmore

We said goodbye on the steps of the Student Union building. I stood there with my precious daughter in my arms, savoring every last second. It seemed like a mere minute ago that she was the tiny bundle of joy that made my heart want to burst with love. How strange it seems to think that it has been over 18 years since I held that precious newborn, as her little fingers wrapped around my hair.

I knew this day was coming. I have been so proud of her….her intelligence, her devotion to her family, her compassion for her fellow man. What a special girl she is. My heart has always wanted her to live out her dreams, be her own unique self, and experience life to the fullest. But as I faced that moment of letting go, I wanted to grab her and run. If only I could run back to a yesterday when she was a toddler chasing after her siblings, or a little girl performing dances for her family. How sweet those years were and how quickly they have passed.

Of course, I couldn’t run back in time. I was left to do what countless mothers before me have done, what I have done with my older children, and what she will do one day in the future with her own children. I was left to stand there as my baby girl walked away. She didn’t look back. Was it because she didn’t want to see my tears? Or because she didn’t want me to see hers? I watched that long, wild hair bouncing as she took step after step towards independence. I watched until there was only one thing left to do….so I turned and walked away. And as I walked, I did the only thing I knew to do….I prayed. I prayed that God would soothe my mama heart. I prayed that my tears would cease. I prayed that my precious girl would make good choices, good friends, and sweet memories. And I prayed that my Father in heaven, whom I trust with ALL that I have, would protect her from the evils that I know this life can bring.

The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 121:7-8)

 

Motherhood

A Mama’s Challenge

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By:  Betty Predmore

I am reading in Psalm this morning, and I come across a passage that spoke to my heart. Psalm 22:30-31 says Our children will also serve him. Future generations will hear about the wonders of the Lord. His righteous acts will be told to those not yet born. They will hear about everything he has done.

Wow! Do you know what that means? It means that I, “mama” to my kiddos, have a lot of responsibility! God is amazing and wondrous, He is capable of all things, and He has done so many amazing, wondrous acts of love on our behalf. He also has set forth serious guidelines for our lives, and consequences when we don’t follow them. How do we take all we know about our marvelous God and make sure we don’t skim over anything when sharing with our children? How do we possibly convey the greatness and majesty of our King without missing some aspect? How do we send the message of His love in its completeness?

This challenges me to dig even further into His word. This prods me to plead the Holy Spirit even deeper into my soul. This inspires me to bring His word to life for my kids, and make it something real, fun, and extremely important in their lives. I want my kids to hear about everything He has done. It is my desire that they know the wonders of the Lord. It is my desperate hope that they serve Him.

Mamas, we must do our part. We have to teach our children about Jesus…in word and in action. We have to share of His wonders and words. We need to explain the creation of our world, and unravel the parable of Jesus. We must define the crucifixion and the resurrection. The love and compassion found in the Word should be evident in our lives. The fruits of the spirit should flow through us. We are to be walking testimonies of His great mercy. Doing this…all of this…will teach our children just how great God is, and just how wonderful it is to serve Him.

Are you up for the challenge today?

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Motherhood

Soul to Soul

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Mamas, today I am happy to share a guest post by Allison Wisted.  These beautiful words spoke to my heart and I am sure they will speak to yours as well…

 

By: Allison Wixted

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous — how well I know it.” (Psalm 139:13-14, NIV)

“What is she thinking?”

That’s the question I ask myself hundreds of times each day.

She is our twelve-year-old daughter, who happens to have Down syndrome.

She is significantly delayed cognitively and physically, more than even most children with Down syndrome.

She is also a spit-fire strawberry blond who loves to run, laugh, listen to music, and give us a tween “stink eye” when she doesn’t get her way.

She is a gift from God who checks our “pride monsters” at the door.

She reminds us to slow our pace to God’s “unforced rhythms of grace” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG).

She is so many things, just as we all are.

We are each a unique life bundle. Our lives are canvases of characteristics painted by our actions, choices, and thoughts.

And this is where my throat lumps. What are our daughter’s thoughts? Specifically, her deepest thoughts? Selfishly, I want to hear them because that’s how I connect on a soul level with others. I want to touch her soul with my words, but it’s like a wisp in the wind. I can see it – almost grab it sometimes when she peers into my eyes – but then it dances away on gusts beyond my reach…

Our daughter with Down syndrome does speak a few words, but oftentimes they’re out of context. That said, her immediate physical needs motivate her to speak in context… like “want to eat,” “cookie,” or “please.” Her spoken word bank tops out around 10 to 20.

She has never used words to express how she feels, however. For feelings, she employs physical-behavioral means, which come in the form of a broad smile after that cookie, a hoe-down-worthy stomping after being told “no,” or her go-to for “mad:” a sit-down-and-won’t-budge.

Since she isn’t able to express her feelings with words, I feel distance between us. I’m a verbal processor. Words, language, and conversation are like oxygen to me. Our other two children adeptly express themselves with words – sometimes too well! Why can’t I have that with our twelve-year-old daughter?

This is when I plaintively pray for a device to plug into her brain that reports her thoughts!

Where is technology when I truly need it? I want to know whether she knows God. I want to know whether she loves me. I want to know whether she is happy living in our home.

God then tenderly taps me on the shoulder, interrupting my reverie. He reminds me of His truth about our girl: “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5).

And I melt. Our girl, in all her meekness, is set for a beautiful inheritance.

Perhaps she has already moved to a higher plane and has a direct line to the deepest One of all? Maybe her unique-to-Down-syndrome Brushfield spots – tiny stars in her deep blue irises – were placed there by God to remind me of the mysteries and the majesties of His vast universe? Maybe He is just reminding me that my meager human understanding will always be just that? (Proverbs 3:5)

Maybe I’m the one with the shallow connection to God?

Maybe I’m not meant to connect with her the way I want to now – at least not on this earth? Maybe I’m to wait until we reunite in eternity? If so, I can’t wait to plug into her beautiful soul on that glorious day! I long to collect all her hopes, dreams, and deepest desires…

And this is when gratitude creeps in.

God knows me so well. He knows how to draw me close. With a sheepish side-grin and a wink upward, I clasp my hands together and close my eyes. I begin to pray, thanking Him for the gift that He has given us in our girl. The lessons that she teaches us. That God loves us enough to entrust us with her care. But mostly that our girl keeps me plugged into God, the ultimate source of soul connection and renewal!

Reflect:
1. With whom do you struggle to communicate? (Maybe they don’t have a cognitive or physical disability, but they have personality traits or habits that rub you the wrong way or prevent a healthy relationship.)
2. Write a prayer asking God to help sort out your struggle in His will.

Motherhood

Fulfilling His Plan

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By: Betty Predmore

Last night our two youngest, both adopted, thanked us for adopting them. Sweet little Lizbeth says, “Thanks for saving us.” Jovanney adds, “Thanks for giving us a home.”

There were moments yesterday, when their rooms looked like an F5 had landed there, that my frustration with them was high. There are moments on many days that I feel inadequate for this job. But then there are moments like last night, when two sweet little souls speak their heart to you in a way that touches you all the way to the tips of your toes. And then you realize…I am adequate for this job. God chose me just for these specific children. God doesn’t make mistakes. He knows far better than I do what these kids need…what I need.

This is the case for all of us mamas, biological, step, adoptive. There are times we doubt our abilities. There are moments when our frustration gets the better of us. There are instances of fear. It is in these moments that we seek our Father for direction. It is at these times that we trust in the One whose plans are far greater than ours.

Thank you Lord for bringing these children to me. Thank you for trusting me with their hearts and their lives. May I, each day, live up to the challenge and blessed opportunity you have given me. Help me, Father, each day to fulfill Your plan.

I can do all things brought Christ Jesus, who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Motherhood

A Child of God

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By:  Betty Predmore

As I sat with my bible and my coffee this morning, the voice of my 8-year-old daughter drifted from down the hallway. She was lost in her own thoughts, singing a song that she made up in her head, oblivious to the fact that I could hear her. “I am a child of God!” she sang, repeating this verse over and over. I sat and listened, encouraged by the fact that even in her moments of total abandon, she recognizes her position as one of God’s precious children.

There is no doubt in her mind. No worry that God might love her brothers or sisters more, no apprehension of being “less than” in God’s eyes. She recognizes, as we all should, that we are all equal in the sight of God.

For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. (Galatians 3:26)

What about us as mothers? Do we make sure our children know they are equally loved? Or are we more like Jacob, pouring our love and attention into one specific child? My goal for my children is that they all love and appreciate each other, that they are there to encourage and support each other, and that they are each other’s strength long after I am gone. This cannot be achieved if they are resentful of one another, hurt by feelings of inadequacy, or insecure. So it is my job to make sure they all know how loved they are, how treasured they are, how very priceless they are to me. They are each so priceless….for their own unique reasons. They are gifts from God, designed to bring me so much joy and teach me so much about life, all from their own individual perspectives.

Ponder for just a moment this morning. Are you making sure to show equal amounts of love and attention to your children as you go through your day? Are you making sure you spend time in conversation with each of them, getting to know them for who they are? Is your hug as strong for one as it is for another? Are your moments of laughter shared with each of them? Or are you like Jacob, lovingly creating a beautiful cloak for one, while the others stand by and watch?

Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors. (Genesis 37:3)

What about grown children? Do you pour all of your love and attention into one….clearly sending a message to the others that their place in your life is not equal? I know it sounds awful but I can assure you, it happens. Does it happen intentionally, or is it because sometimes a mother is just unaware? Did Jacob purposefully single out Joseph as his favorite or was he unaware of his actions, and the way they made his other sons feel?

But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him. (Genesis 37:4)

I try to be careful about this. When I send out an “I love you” or “I miss you” message to my adult children, I make sure to include them all. If I call one of them and talk on a certain day, I will call another the next day. My love for them, my hugs, my acceptance of them…all equal. Sure, there are times when I spend more time or focus on one or the other, but always, my love for them is equal. I don’t want my kids getting together and plotting the demise of one of them out of resentment and bitterness, like Joseph’s brothers did. And while I knew they would never plot to kill or sell off a sibling, they might build up resentful, hurt, bitter hearts towards each other. And oh, how sad that would make my mama heart!

There is a lot to be learned from Jacob and Joseph. There is wisdom there, staring us in the face, telling us not to make the same mistakes. When we raise our children in confidence of who they are, of Whose they are, they are assured of their value. When we love and nurture them, and appreciate them for the special things that make them unique, they are confident. When we approach parenting with a sense and purpose of equality, we build them up. When we assure them not only of our love for them, but of God’s great love for them, we give them the freedom to sing in their moments of abandon, “I am a child of God.”