Tag: family

Motherhood

One Lucky Mama

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By: Betty Predmore
It’s been a crazy week. Busy schedules, meetings, out of town trips….all lead up to consumption of my time and fewer moments spent talking with my kiddos. While I love the place God has me in ministry, and the opportunities He is giving my husband and I in our careers, I sometimes long for the simpler days, when I worked from home and our schedules were not so overwhelming. Life tells us to go, go, go….but sometimes we just need to STOP!

The Lord allowed me some precious time talking with my teenage son tonight. We talked of normal things….school, friends, curfew. He told me about a friend at school that lost a family member to cancer today. He told me how upset this young boy was. We talked about how hard it is to lose someone. We also talked about how much he misses his Grandaddy….has it really been almost two months since he passed? We agreed that we both hate cancer. I know we are not supposed to hate, but that disease is terrible, and it causes so much pain for the people who suffer from it and the people who suffer alongside them.

I look at this boy and I marvel at the fact that God chose me to be his second mama. Ever since the day he walked to our house, just six years and one day old, he has been a blessing. I often ask God just what I did that allowed me to deserve such an honor. He whispers back to me…”You were willing.” Thank you Lord that you know my heart so well, and that you knew I was willing to open it up to this beautiful boy, his brother, and his sister. Thank you for trusting me with their little hearts, and for allowing me the opportunity to lead their souls to you.

And in the busyness of life as I know it, thank you for some sweet moments to remind me of just how special this boy is and what a lucky mama I am!

 

 

Motherhood

When Are You Having Kids?

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By:  Alison Rodriguez

That question. Oh, THAT question.

It used to make my blood boil when someone asked me that question.

So many times, my mind screamed:

None of your business!
I’m trying!
I wish I knew!

Instead, the polite person in me – well, really, the person who did not want to face the fact that something was wrong – would often reply:

Oh, I’d like to finish my master’s degree first.
Maybe in a couple more years.

Except one time. Someone at work caught me on a bad day. A lady from another department whom I don’t know very well asked the forbidden question. No made up excuse this time. She got Ally’s famous evil eyes, and, “I actually can’t have kids.” In that moment, I found great joy in the shocked look on her face and her fumbled attempt at a response. All I could think was that’s what you get for asking a personal question to someone with whom you don’t have a personal relationship.

For so long, I used school as an excuse. And then when I finished, I used my husband going to school as an excuse. Excuses are lies you tell others hoping you’ll begin to believe them yourself. Truth be told, I dreamt of holding my baby boy or girl on graduation day wearing my master’s cap, gown, and hood. Now, I dream of having our little one sit on my lap at my husband’s graduation as he receives his master’s hood.

I know that most people have only good intentions when asking this question, but it carries so many assumptions and connotations.

When are you having kids?

…assumes someone wants kids.
…assumes someone can physically have kids.
…assumes that conceiving is the only way to grow a family.

To those trying to conceive, this question strikes a painful chord deep within their soul. It is a reminder that they are not pregnant. It is a reminder that something is wrong with them. It is a reminder that this little person who has mommy’s eyes and daddy’s smile still isn’t here yet and may never be.

This blood-boiling question and my long-time response to it made me realize one very important thing. The condition of your heart determines the character of your response. My heart was bitter so my response was bitter. I created bogus excuses to comfort myself and so easily told them to others.

 

 

Now, when asked this question, I’m truthful. I no longer feel shame in sharing our journey, because I know God has me in this season for a reason. Instead of being a source of heartache, this question has become an opportunity to share what the Lord has done in our lives and hearts. No more bogus excuses. I now share that I have a little angel baby watching over me. I now say that we are halfway through the process of adopting a little one from the foster care system.

When are you having kids?

Does it still strike a painful chord? Yes.
Do I still want to yell, “none of your business!” Sometimes.

But I’m so thankful that those moments are now few and far between. I’m thankful that God did not leave my side for one moment while I worked on changing my heart.

One thing I ask of you: Can we change this question? Can we be mindful of who we ask it to? You never know who is struggling with infertility, and what this question represents in their life. 

Let’s change this from “having kids” to “growing families”. So many families are grown through fostering, adoption, and surrogacy. And some families remain as duos with pets. Let’s refrain from asking this question to people with whom we don’t share a personal relationship. Asking coworkers and acquaintances might not go over so well.

And one last request. Take a moment to evaluate the condition of your heart. Most times, the first thing that needs to change in your circumstance is your heart’s response to it.

With love,
Ally Rod

Motherhood

A Mama’s Challenge

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By:  Betty Predmore

I am reading in Psalm this morning, and I come across a passage that spoke to my heart. Psalm 22:30-31 says Our children will also serve him. Future generations will hear about the wonders of the Lord. His righteous acts will be told to those not yet born. They will hear about everything he has done.

Wow! Do you know what that means? It means that I, “mama” to my kiddos, have a lot of responsibility! God is amazing and wondrous, He is capable of all things, and He has done so many amazing, wondrous acts of love on our behalf. He also has set forth serious guidelines for our lives, and consequences when we don’t follow them. How do we take all we know about our marvelous God and make sure we don’t skim over anything when sharing with our children? How do we possibly convey the greatness and majesty of our King without missing some aspect? How do we send the message of His love in its completeness?

This challenges me to dig even further into His word. This prods me to plead the Holy Spirit even deeper into my soul. This inspires me to bring His word to life for my kids, and make it something real, fun, and extremely important in their lives. I want my kids to hear about everything He has done. It is my desire that they know the wonders of the Lord. It is my desperate hope that they serve Him.

Mamas, we must do our part. We have to teach our children about Jesus…in word and in action. We have to share of His wonders and words. We need to explain the creation of our world, and unravel the parable of Jesus. We must define the crucifixion and the resurrection. The love and compassion found in the Word should be evident in our lives. The fruits of the spirit should flow through us. We are to be walking testimonies of His great mercy. Doing this…all of this…will teach our children just how great God is, and just how wonderful it is to serve Him.

Are you up for the challenge today?

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Motherhood

Soul to Soul

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Mamas, today I am happy to share a guest post by Allison Wisted.  These beautiful words spoke to my heart and I am sure they will speak to yours as well…

 

By: Allison Wixted

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous — how well I know it.” (Psalm 139:13-14, NIV)

“What is she thinking?”

That’s the question I ask myself hundreds of times each day.

She is our twelve-year-old daughter, who happens to have Down syndrome.

She is significantly delayed cognitively and physically, more than even most children with Down syndrome.

She is also a spit-fire strawberry blond who loves to run, laugh, listen to music, and give us a tween “stink eye” when she doesn’t get her way.

She is a gift from God who checks our “pride monsters” at the door.

She reminds us to slow our pace to God’s “unforced rhythms of grace” (Matthew 11:28-30, MSG).

She is so many things, just as we all are.

We are each a unique life bundle. Our lives are canvases of characteristics painted by our actions, choices, and thoughts.

And this is where my throat lumps. What are our daughter’s thoughts? Specifically, her deepest thoughts? Selfishly, I want to hear them because that’s how I connect on a soul level with others. I want to touch her soul with my words, but it’s like a wisp in the wind. I can see it – almost grab it sometimes when she peers into my eyes – but then it dances away on gusts beyond my reach…

Our daughter with Down syndrome does speak a few words, but oftentimes they’re out of context. That said, her immediate physical needs motivate her to speak in context… like “want to eat,” “cookie,” or “please.” Her spoken word bank tops out around 10 to 20.

She has never used words to express how she feels, however. For feelings, she employs physical-behavioral means, which come in the form of a broad smile after that cookie, a hoe-down-worthy stomping after being told “no,” or her go-to for “mad:” a sit-down-and-won’t-budge.

Since she isn’t able to express her feelings with words, I feel distance between us. I’m a verbal processor. Words, language, and conversation are like oxygen to me. Our other two children adeptly express themselves with words – sometimes too well! Why can’t I have that with our twelve-year-old daughter?

This is when I plaintively pray for a device to plug into her brain that reports her thoughts!

Where is technology when I truly need it? I want to know whether she knows God. I want to know whether she loves me. I want to know whether she is happy living in our home.

God then tenderly taps me on the shoulder, interrupting my reverie. He reminds me of His truth about our girl: “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5).

And I melt. Our girl, in all her meekness, is set for a beautiful inheritance.

Perhaps she has already moved to a higher plane and has a direct line to the deepest One of all? Maybe her unique-to-Down-syndrome Brushfield spots – tiny stars in her deep blue irises – were placed there by God to remind me of the mysteries and the majesties of His vast universe? Maybe He is just reminding me that my meager human understanding will always be just that? (Proverbs 3:5)

Maybe I’m the one with the shallow connection to God?

Maybe I’m not meant to connect with her the way I want to now – at least not on this earth? Maybe I’m to wait until we reunite in eternity? If so, I can’t wait to plug into her beautiful soul on that glorious day! I long to collect all her hopes, dreams, and deepest desires…

And this is when gratitude creeps in.

God knows me so well. He knows how to draw me close. With a sheepish side-grin and a wink upward, I clasp my hands together and close my eyes. I begin to pray, thanking Him for the gift that He has given us in our girl. The lessons that she teaches us. That God loves us enough to entrust us with her care. But mostly that our girl keeps me plugged into God, the ultimate source of soul connection and renewal!

Reflect:
1. With whom do you struggle to communicate? (Maybe they don’t have a cognitive or physical disability, but they have personality traits or habits that rub you the wrong way or prevent a healthy relationship.)
2. Write a prayer asking God to help sort out your struggle in His will.

Motherhood

Fulfilling His Plan

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By: Betty Predmore

Last night our two youngest, both adopted, thanked us for adopting them. Sweet little Lizbeth says, “Thanks for saving us.” Jovanney adds, “Thanks for giving us a home.”

There were moments yesterday, when their rooms looked like an F5 had landed there, that my frustration with them was high. There are moments on many days that I feel inadequate for this job. But then there are moments like last night, when two sweet little souls speak their heart to you in a way that touches you all the way to the tips of your toes. And then you realize…I am adequate for this job. God chose me just for these specific children. God doesn’t make mistakes. He knows far better than I do what these kids need…what I need.

This is the case for all of us mamas, biological, step, adoptive. There are times we doubt our abilities. There are moments when our frustration gets the better of us. There are instances of fear. It is in these moments that we seek our Father for direction. It is at these times that we trust in the One whose plans are far greater than ours.

Thank you Lord for bringing these children to me. Thank you for trusting me with their hearts and their lives. May I, each day, live up to the challenge and blessed opportunity you have given me. Help me, Father, each day to fulfill Your plan.

I can do all things brought Christ Jesus, who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Motherhood

The Magic of My Kingdom

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By:  Betty Predmore

If you ask a lot of children where the happiest place on earth is, they are likely to say it is that great adventure park where a walking mouse holds court, along with his silly dog friend, and a duck decked out in blue. That is a place of magic and adventure, where memories are made and smiles are abundant.

If you ask that same question to my son, he will tell you the happiest place on earth is his mama’s house. There are no animals walking around as humans, there are no turbulent rides of excitement, and you can’t buy churros at a corner stand. But what you DO get is enough.

In my magic kingdom there is always excitement. One day you might be waiting on the tooth fairy, the next it might be an unannounced camping trip. There is always delicious fine dining in mama’s kitchen, thanks to dad’s culinary skills. We may not have a churro stand, but there are always treats like Sissy’s homemade cookies, Emmie’s brownies, or one of mama’s cakes.

Magic and adventure….there is plenty at mama’s house. There is the magic of unconditional love, forgiveness when necessary, compassion and tenderness, and acceptance. There is great adventure in our family “nerf wars” and pool races. There is the adventure of beginning each new day, knowing that God has something really awesome for us. There is adventure in the moments of expectation and the moments of surprise.

And just like that great theme park, my magic kingdom has plenty of smiles. There are the smiles that greet each other in the morning, ready to begin a new day. There are the smiles of welcome after a day away from home. There are the smiles and laughter that come from silly jokes, old stories, and selfie poses. There are smiles and shrieks of laughter through the tickles and hide-and-seek chases. There are smiles and embraces for those who come home to visit, and even smiles through our tears when we say goodbye.

And ALL of this….everything that happens in my magic kingdom, makes our beautiful memories. This life that God has given us, this family that He has joined together, has made some beautiful, unforgettable memories together, and I know God is just getting started! Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” His plans for the future of this family are awesome. He wants to prosper us and bring us new things….new adventures, new opportunities to love, show grace & compassion, new chances to learn from each other and from Him. His desire is that we continue to follow Him, and grow in our knowledge of Him. He wants us to smile and laugh together, and make millions more new memories. I know a lot of that will happen in my house….my very own magic kingdom.

Motherhood

The Beauty of Our Bond

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By:  Betty Predmore

I am celebrating my anniversary with my sweet hubby. We have been married 9 years today. When he took me as his bride, he also took on four broken kids who weren’t quite sure what to do with a step-dad. He has persevered through hateful words, high voices, and bad attitudes, and has pretty much won them over. Added to that are the three little ones we adopted just a little over a year into our marriage. We have a true understanding of the word CHAOS. We also have a true understanding of the word FAMILY. In our home, it is not the blood ties that bind. It is the love, compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance that has melded us into this unique batch of crazy that is unmistakably ours, and unmistakably cherished by each of us.

As I read the anniversary wishes from my kids today, I am struck by the beauty of our bond, I am reminded of how God takes that which seems impossible and makes it totally possible. I am touched to the core by the love our children have for us, and by the devotion our family shares. My heart is filled with gratitude, not just for nine wonderful years of marriage, but also for the family God has assembled for us. Sometimes they are a little much. Sometimes I am sure I will not survive the day. Often, I want to pull out a hair or two. But always, I am honored to be their mama, and so very grateful for each special moment the Lord gives us.

I realize that today is not only the anniversary of the day I married my husband. It is also the anniversary of the day we became this beautiful family, brought together through God’s goodness and his trust in us as parents. So I say to my babies….Happy Anniversary!

Motherhood

Bend, Don’t Break

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By: Betty Predmore

Motherhood is an incredible journey. There are so many emotions we experience as mothers, so many opportunities to grow. From the moment they are born, our children hold a precious place in our hearts. We want only the best for them, and we do all we can to make life wonderful for our little darlings.

Motherhood brings so many happy moments, filled with love, laughter, secret whispers, and butterfly kisses. It brings special bonds that nothing in life can break apart, and a sense of unity and security. I wish our minds had the capacity to clearly remember every moment of laughter and joy that comes from being a mother. I wish I could conjure up in a moment every time I felt that sense of fulfillment that my children bring me. But the moments are too many to corral into a thought or a memory. They are as numerous as the stars, and I consider myself to be a very lucky mama.

Amongst all that joy and laughter has also been some pain. No matter how hard we try, our children are left to experience the tough stuff. Childhood illness, death, bullying, mental illness, fear, abandonment, broken homes… and the list continues. If only we could protect their hearts from all pain! But the reality is that life is life, and part of life is struggle and hardship. If we are honest, we know that we tend to grow, change, and learn the most through our moments of trial. It is through those hard times we realize that God really does walk with us, never leaving our side. Of course, we want our children to have that realization, that sense of security.

As mothers, our prayer should be that through it all, the rain, the sunshine, and the cloudy days, that we have grounded our children in their faith and gave them a knowledge of someone who is far greater than any of us, and who is far more capable of easing their hurts and troubles. Have you pointed your child to Jesus? Have you hit your knees time and time again on their behalf?

Life is sometimes difficult. Motherhood is often challenging. Many times we experience pain and concern for our children, and sometimes a fear that is almost crippling. As strong women of God, as mothers of His precious children, we will not let those moments define us. When the tough times come, we do not break….we bend. We bend our knees, we call on our Father, and we intercede for our sweet precious babies. Oh, what a mighty power we have because of Jesus! Oh, what a glorious difference we can make in the lives of our children! Oh, what a precious gift it is to be a mama!

 

 

Motherhood

My Never-Empty Nest

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By: Betty Predmore

My daughter will be graduating from high school in about a week, and will be going off to college and starting her new adult life. This is the last of my biological children to leave home. The thought occurred to me the other day, “Wow, you could be on your way to having an empty nest.” It is true. I could be looking at a life with no children in the home. My husband and I could be free to travel and go out for romantic dinners. I could focus on some goals in life and put some real effort into them. Things could be a lot quieter around my house.

There is just one thing…actually, three things….that keep this from being the next phase of my life. Those three things are the three beautiful blessings the Lord brought to our family through adoption. And with the youngest being only in first grade, it will be a long time before I have to worry about an empty nest.

So what does that mean for me? It means I still get to travel because I have a wonderful network of support. My husband and I still get to have romantic dinners because the kids think it is too funny when mommy and daddy go out on dates. I can focus on my goals because there is always room for dreams in life, and if God wants something for you, He will help you find a way to make it happen. As for the “quieter around the house” aspect…well who really needs quiet anyways? I would much prefer the sound of children’s laughter, sweet conversations about life and Jesus, and even the moments when voices are elevated.

No, my nest may never be empty, but it is always filled with love. My nest may be chaotic at times, but it is mine. It my be frustrating on occasion, but it is built with the foundation of Christ, and He is using it for His good and pleasing purpose. My nest may be much different than yours, but it is the nest that God gave me, and my God doesn’t make mistakes!

So while many my age are basking in the nests of freedom and solace, I will be basking in the sticky kisses, bear hugs, and chaotic bliss of my sweet nest, and praising God all the while.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. ~ James 1:17

Motherhood

The Aftermath

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By: Betty Predmore

I sit here this morning, surveying the aftermath of a weekend with house guests and birthdays. On Friday, my home was something to be proud of. It was clean and sparkly, everything was in its place, and it was ever do serene. This morning there are shoes in the floor, toys strewn across the table, a pile of used towels in the bathroom, and a table full of birthday gifts I don’t have the energy to put away.

Does this upset me? Does this frustrate me? Does this make me weary? Absolutely not! When I look around this morning, I don’t see a mess. I smile and remember the laughter that was shared in my home this weekend. I remember the smiles of my little girl as she turned 8 years old. I remember the squeals of my granddaughter, and my little boys wrestling with their big brother. I remember the delicious meals my husband made so lovingly for his family, and I remember all the hugs and kisses.

I am proud of this mess. This mess means that this mama shared a beautiful weekend with her babies. This mess means that loved flowed through this place. This mess means that “mama’s” house is home.

“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27